I recently went for my yearly physical. It reminded me of a physical not so long ago... when I realized that I was old enough for my primary doctor to start doing breast exams.
He started a few years before this, and I always found the whole thing really awkward. It's like, what do you do with yourself while he is feeling you up? Usually the doctor tries to chat, which ends up making it feel like a bad middle school date.
So this one year (I think it was the first year the nurse didn't have to come in with us for this exam) I am laid back on the deli paper getting myself ready for it. The doctor moves in, and I am psychologically ready. But then, what do I do with my eyes? Do I look him in the eye? Now that seems too romantic. LIke we are sharing a special moment. Do I shut my eyes? No, that seems too much like I am enjoying the breast exam. Like I have my eyes shut so I can get all the pleasure I can out of this.
I decide instead to keep my eyes open. So I have my eyes open and darting all over the room, from the ceiling to the wall and back again.
I also happen to have a number of nervous twitches. I am a big glasses adjustor. I push on my glasses when I get nervous, or more likely, play with my hair. At the moment of awkward conversation when my doctor is feeling me up, I automatically bring my hand up to play with my hair. But instead of making it to my hair, my hand gets caught in the tie of my doctor leaning over me. I was moving with too much speed to notice, and I let my hand go full-circuit. Suddenly, I realize what happened: my hand got caught in my doctor's tie, and I ended up jerking him down towards me... towards, what happened to be my bare breasts.
Luckily he jerked himself up before his face hit, and we avoided that discomfort. But really... who pulls their doctor's face into their bared chest???
I was comfortable enough with it that I never changed doctors. And this was years ago. Also, in a way, I feel like it brings us closer together. Like no matter what I do NOW, it can't be worse than trying to jam his face into my tatas.
Maybe in a few years I will get up the courage to discuss what we went through at this year's physical...
