Oh Life

There are very few feelings like the one you get when you realize you just spent God knows how long walking around with your skirt tucked into your underpants.

Motorcycles Suck

A few weeks ago, I was on vacation in Croatia.  Oooh!  Ahhh!  Beautiful!  Lovely people!  Living the dream.

My friend and I got to Split and got off the bus. We try to take a cab, but because our hotel was in the older part of town, cars weren't allowed.  The cab driver gives us vague directions.  "Go that way.  You see stairs.  Walk past them.  Then up."  Okay.  We start trekking. Sounds clear enough.

Despite being New Yorkers, we wait for the light to change to cross all streets.  We get to a major intersections, and stand around waiting.  Finally, it has the little walk guy lit up, and a bunch of other people start crossing as well.  My friend steps off the curb, and I'm right behind her.  All seems well.

Suddenly when I'm a few feet into the street, I hear a horrible screeching sound.  The next few seconds are basically just gone from my life...  From what I gather, a guy on a motorcycle either turned and wasn't looking, or ran a red light, not sure.  But he knocked my ass down.  Me, the guy, and the motorcycle are all splayed out in the street.  Laid the fuck out.  My friend turns and screams, "OH MY GOD, DIANE!"  I got up myself, some other people helped the dude on the bike up.  I was standing there shocked.  

(As a side note, I had the Samsonite spinner luggage, which wheeled itself to safety and left me to take the hit. It was standing proudly to the side, unscathed. Little bastard spinner.)

While I was standing in the street, just looking around completely shocked, I look down at the guy while he's still on the ground. We make weird eye contact, and then my friend screams again, "get out of the street!  The light is going to change!  Don't get hit again!"  So I grab my still upright bag and we cross over.  The guy on the motorcycle gets up and drives off.  We are standing there, in shock, and my friend is making sure I'm okay.  I suddenly can't stop laughing.  The whole thing was so unbelievable.

We get to the hotel, finally, and the woman is telling us that even though we had booked on Expedia they didn't charge it and we had to pay for it, in cash.  She has a little bit of an attitude problem, but I am just sitting there.  I take out everything from my wallet and say, "here is all my money."  I hold it out in my hand with a vacant smile on my face. I am fanning out every form of kuna and blindly staring. My friend says in a gentle voice, "no, no, Diane, put your money away now..."  

I really wasn't at my best.

After getting that settled all I want is dinner and some wine.  I had a skinned knee, and my hip ached, but really, for having been hit by a motor vehicle I was as best as could be expected.  

We go find some food, and I (apparently) order lamb chops.  After the waiter leaves and I think for a minute, I say, "wait.  Did I order lamb?  I hate lamb."  And my friend looked a little horrified and says, "... yeah, that's what I thought.  Are you sure you are okay??"  But I just had some more wine and felt better.  

Luckily our hotel that night had a shared, small bed that felt like we were sleeping on old hay.  

I even wanted to stay in the hotel the next day, but because it was all so uncomfortable, I just took the boat to Hvar and held my friend back from moving around much...