So I suck at food shopping; I absolutely hate it and frequently find myself opening the fridge and seeing a barren wasteland.
Today I found myself home around 7 pm with nothing for dinner. I decided to walk a block to a cool restaurant/bar right near me.
I got down there and sit with my new Nook (I can't figure it all out yet, but I am in love with it) and there is a riveting football game on between the Giants and the Packers. I order a turkey burger and a glass of wine, and all is seemingly going well. It is early on a Sunday night so I am just trying to relax before another week of work and get some down time in. (This is the boring back story so it doesn't seem jarring when I jump right into creepiness.)
I finish eating and am having a water just to get me through to the end of the game and head out. The bartender, a lovely girl, comes over and says the guys at the end of the bar have offered to pay for my next drink. I look down and they wave me over. It was about 8:00, so I figured why not. I make a big deal about never making new friends, so I figured I should start being more social. The bartender lady goes "they're really nice!" so I walked down to them and got another wine.
I sit down between the 2 guys and the first one, who was way creepier, immediately starts talking to me in a heavy accent. I am not bad with accents, but I was so not understanding about half of what he was saying. I nod and smile when seems appropriate, but I was way uncomfortable. His first words were just "you are so beautiful. You are beautiful. I am telling you, you are beautiful. We saw you sitting over there, and thought, 'she is beautiful.' You are beautiful." So I just go "okay, thanks" and kind of figure we will get on with some conversation. No. Apparently all this guy has got up his sleeve is to keep telling me how beautiful I am. And, awesome, he does most of it while staring at my chest.
I even got a few "the bartender? She no have what you have" while he uses his hands to imitate big boobs on his own chest. Awesome. Let's keep talking more about nothing but my boobs, shall we?? So then his friend goes, "Today is my birthday. So can I get your phone number and call you one day?" I haven't spoken more than ten words to this guy. WTF? Seriously? No. I appreciate the straightforward approach without staring at my chest, but still. What has happened to people having conversations? And like, actually talking?? Besides something other than my boobies?
The first guy just keeps tapping my shoulder every time I even look away from him for a second, which I gotta say, is a REALLY attractive trait (SO ANNOYING).
So he hands me a business card and says, "I own 5 restaurants. This is one of them. You should stop by and get some food there." So I say, "Ok, thanks!" and go to put it away. He grabs it out of my hand and goes, "Wait, do you speak fluent Spanish? No? Then you can't come here" and puts the card back in his pocket.
Then I get "tomorrow night I come to your place and cook you dinner. You like Spanish food?" I say "no" with extreme vehemence. I really don't want Creepy McGross coming over...
Then he tells me, "you are... you are princess. What do you do?" So I say I work in publishing and he goes, "PUBLISHING? PSHHH. No, you should not work in PUBLISHING!" He says this like it is the most disgusting job in the world.
"No, you are princess! You should be... you should be a building manager!!"
I kind of just stared at him at that point. I mean, I have nothing against building managers, but it was just a weird job to pull out of a hat. Especially for a princess.
So I am finishing up my wine (I mean, you'd have to be pretty damn creepy to make me want to leave some wine behind) and the first creepier guy goes, "May I show you something?" So I go ".... uhm, what?" And he says, "just to illustrate to you how beautiful you are? I have your permission?" so I go "... okay, I guess." And he puts his hand under my boob, palm up, completely trying to cop a feel. And when I slap his hand away and go "no" and he says "you give me your permission?" WHAT? That was a complete misrepresentation of your intentions. Guy.
The friend then began to tell me how beautiful my eyes are, and waxed on and about what a beautiful shade of blue they are.... yeah, I don't have blue eyes.
Then I got hit with the awesomely hot line, "So you have a husband? No? So maybe one day... you and me... you know." And he did that weird hand gesture of like "hook up" that you can't explain, but you know it when you see it.
And this is why I should be smarter about food shopping.
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